It spit out my card and a note that said "Equipment failure. Please try later." Umm, what about my cash? The cash is lodged behind the little door, there are a couple of corners of twenties sticking out. The door will not open. This is not good. It is 7 am, the bank is closed, the plane leaves at 10 am, airport is still 30 minutes away, and $300.00 in cash - my cash - is stuck in this stupid machine! Terminal meltdown is now occurring. The bimbo on the video monitor is now telling me how much simpler the new machines make my banking.
My husband suggests I pull around to the front of the bank. No way, I am not moving from this thieving machine. So I make him go pound on the window of the drive-thru tellers, who are now moving around inside, but still not open yet. The tellers get all nervous thinking there is a robbery in progress and won't come to the windows. Finally one gets up the nerve to punch the intercom and husband explains problem. The teller says they don't have access, sorry, go away, have a nice day. Wrong answer.
So I post him to guard the offending machine and admire the bimbo while I pull up to have a word with the tellers. We don't have access, sorry, go away, have a nice day. So I explain that I will not go away until I get some sort of receipt for my money. We can't give you a receipt until you deposit the money. Get your butt out here and look at the money sticking out of your damn machine. Oh, can't do that.
We have a stand-off. FBI should be alerted by now, I'm thinking.
So I park my car in front of the ATM and sit there. All the nice bank people now have their faces pressed to the window watching me. I'm sure their fingers are poised on the panic buttons. I tell my husband to give me his leatherman, I'm getting my money back. He won't do it. Man is a former cop and starts in about felonies and vandalism and how unpleasant the Federal prison system is. Damn cops, never let you have any fun. It is not stealing it if it is my money, how about we put the bimbo in a Federal prison, huh?
Finally, one bank employee gets brave and opens the back of the ATM. Thought you didn't have access? Hmm. Thieving and lying. New bank time. This nice lady actually verifies that yes, there is a huge wad of cash jammed in the intake chute. Is it yours, ma'am? I stifle the smart ass response and humbly tell her what has so far transpired. She tells me she can't credit it to my account until the service people balance the ATM at noon. Wrong answer again.
So I explain that we are catching a plane in 45 minutes, upon landing I need this deposit to pay for a hotel and rental car. I play the pathetic you've ruined our trip card and she finally says she will do a temporary credit to my account until they straighten this out.
Great, but I still want a receipt for my money, with your name on it for future reference. Can't do that. At this point I tell her either I get a receipt or I am going to perfom plastic surgery on their electronic beauty to retrieve my money. She must have recognized the manic glint in my eye by now because she promptly sent a receipt out through the carrier chute. Thought you can't do that? Lying again. This relationship is crumbling rapidly.
I have a plane to catch, so I take my receipt and move so the ten cars behind me can find out the ATM is out of order, and get a shot at jimmying my money out the little door. We make it to the airport with time to spare so I find an ATM to check my balance. No $300.00 credit yet. OK, you have two hours before I land in San Diego. First stop in the airport is another ATM. Still no credit.
Now I get on my cell phone and call the bank. They have no record of this incident. Huh? So I ask for the lady whose name is on the receipt. She finally comes on and apologizes for the delay, she forgot and she will take care of it immediately. So I ask her how can you forget an incident like that? Oh, with the new machines it happens all the time, Ma'am.
Definitely time for a new bank.
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